Lahat ng lovelife ko puro M.U. lang (Mutual Understanding) at lahat yun same story lang..

Being friends at first
Getting-to-know stage
Being super close
Aminan ng feelings
Mutual Understanding
Magsasawa ako
Sasabihin kong ayoko na
   • Hindi pa ako ready
   •Gusto ko grumaduate muna
   •Nawala yung spark
   •Hindi pala love yung nararamdaman ko
Awkward time
Iwasan
Back to being strangers.

Lagi kong tinatanong at sinasabi sa bestfriend ko kung abnormal ba ako? Tapos sasabihin nya na hindi. Maingat lang daw talaga kami at hindi katulad ng iba na grab nlang ng grab masabi lang na may lovelife.. Well, totoo. When it comes to relationship and love.. I am serious. 

Once palang ako nagkaboyfriend and we only last for only 2 months. Yeah right. We’ve been friends for years and when we get to the chance to give it a try, hindi pala talaga kami click sa isa’t isa. He left without a word and I didn’t chase him.. not even asking him ‘why?’. HInayaan ko nalang sya.

So, my first ever relationship is still without closure. But deep inside me, it’s okay.. It’s been years, and having that closure doesn’t matter anymore.

After that failed relationship (more than 2 years ago), Hindi na ako ulit nagpaligaw (hindi rin naman kasi matitino yung mga nag aattemp), walang MU, at feeling ko ayoko muna hanggat walang nakakapasa sa standards ko, well atleast mareach manlang yung quality  ng ideal guy ko.

Then MAC came. ( I won’t give his full name nalang)

He came out of nowhere.
We’re friends in facebook, but we NEVER chat or talk in person. As in never kami nagbump sa isa’t isa.
Then one time nagkasabay kami sa church, still we never had even a single talk or hi. And when I got home, I loggin on facebook, he chatted me. Asking about something related in ComSci and his work. Then he told me that he admires me.. para sakin napaka walang dating nun. Since I don’t believe on “love at first sight” thingy. Oh come on, remember what Queen Elsa of Frozen said? “You can’t marry someone you just met”, same goes on having an admiration to someone, YOU CAN’T ADMIRE SOMEONE YOU JUST MET.

How can you admire someone without knowing his/her attitude, personality, and everything about them. If you’ve like someone at first glance, then it’s not admiration.. it’s attraction.. on PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

Yet, I tried to give it a try. Replying to his text but not to often. Sinundo nya ako sa office twice at isang hatid. Then kumain sa labas twice. Yun lang, and I guess.. nah! I am sure na hindi na yun masusundan, dahil I’ll make it stop. I gave it a try, yes. But Im sure now na wala, na hindi ko sya magugustuhan. I believe it’ll be okay on him.

He’s an achiever. Matalino sya. Successful at a very young age, he got looks, he’s cute actually. Pero I’m not after that e. I’m more on personality, maturity, and being honest and truth on what you really feel… and HEIGHT! hahaha (Im a little bit taller than him e)

I’m sorry.. for the nth time, I almost reach the being PAASA again. I don’t want it to happen. Even he’s really sincere or he just like to flirt, I still don’t want him to get hurt because of me.

Thanks, MAC.. for the efforts of fetching me in the office at 4 AM. Treating me foods, hehe. And listening whenever I told you to slow down on driving, kase ang bilis bilis magmotor, though I like wild road adventure, AYOKO NAMAN MAMATAY SA KALSADA NA NAKASAKAY SA MOTOR NOH! AYOKO MAMATAY NG DUROG! >.<

I still believe that someday, I will finally fall inlove to the right guy. Someone na hindi ko pagsasawaan at hindi rin magsasawa sa akin :)

There are memories I want to forget and left behind, but I still want to write everything here.

Just in case I want to comeback and remember it all again ;)

Gusto ko ap rin sya kahit walang spark. Hahaha. Kahit sinandal nya yung ulo nya sa balikat ko kanina. Kahit komportable na ako na kaming dalawa lang magkasama. Kahit wala talaga akong maramdamang spark pero kinikilig ako. Hahahaha. Nung aalis na sya para magyosi, akala ko iiwan na nya yung mga plato namin e, kala ko hahayaan nya na ako yung magligpit, pero hindi. Ahahhaha. Bago sya umalis niligpit muna nya yung kinainan namin. Hahahaha. Baliw na akooooo xF

I’ve been crying the whole day. Simula umaga nung nagising ako ng 3:30AM, umiiyak ako. Hanggang sa makatulog at nagising ulit. Bago pumasok sa office, umiiyak ako sa jeep. Nagpakabusy sa work para makalimot, buti nalang may pagsamba sa gabi, dun ko na binuhos yung iyak ko, kaya ang ending sobrang hapdi ng mata ko. hahaha x_x

© thorinian