Keep Moving...

You will never know the person unless you have live together under the same roof! totoo yan, sige hahayaan ko nalang na ako yung mukhang masama, na masamang ugali, actually, I dont care, kase alam kong hindi naman talaga nila ako kilala.. and as of that girl who walks around outside busy doing her church duty.. well that’s good, really, it’s good for your soul, pero sana yang KABUTIHANG pinapakita mo sa labas e ginagawa mo din sana sa loob ng bahay. Plastik kang bitch ka e no. Oh well, keep on wearing your fake halo, it suits you really. FAKE >:)

my mood

May mood din ako na hindi ko maintindihan. haha, pero ganito yun.. Kahit hindi ako galit sa tao, kahit close pa kami pag wala ako sa mood, hindi ako mamamansin, yung tipong I don’t want to feel your presence, minsan kahit may load ako hindi ako magrreply, kasi ayoko lang ng may kausap, mga ganun.. hahaha fucking mood

Meron akong ugali na kapag naramdaman ko na hindi na ako mahalaga dun sa tao/kaibigan/or what-so-ever automatic na din na lumalayo ako. Minsan kahit na naging super close kami or we have treated each other as bestfriend tapos naramdaman ko na na hindi na nya ako gusto, then I let it be, tapos pag dumating na yung time na naalala na nya ako, and he/she finds way to be close to me again (this is the mean part) I make them feel that I am not interested anymore. Worst, when they’re trying to find time to be with me, ako naman yung nagpparamdam na ako yung walang oras, or may ayaw, o hindi excited na makasama sila. I think it’s my way to be not overly attached again to them, once they make me feel that Im easy to left behind, I make sure that it won’t gonna happen again.

The deeper side

Alam ko, there are people who used to be my friend or who sees me before as a “good-girl”, I know that some of them or maybe all of them is judging me for what I’ve done and I can’t blame them. How i wish that they knew about how i feel. While they look down on me, I am cursing my self and I know that even God is mad of me. There are times that I prayed on Him to make me leave this place, to let me rebuilt my self in different place, and yes, though I’ve been bad, still He answered my prayers. Ilocos is not my dream town, I still choose the city because everything is in here, and almost all of my friends are here.. but Ilocos is my HOME, all I wanted is place were I can sleep peacefully and a mother. I am hoping that sooner, everything will be fine, that I can found my self back, that I can be happy again. I will keep on praying that God will forgive all my mistake and give me a chance to become His faithful servant.

Sa family ko naman, hindi ko alam kung mabubuo pa kami, yung sama sama kami ulit sa iisang bahay. Hindi ko alam kung magiging okay pa kami ni ate. Pero that’s it, I’ll live everything nalang day by day.. bakit ang hirap sumaya? haha

The deep side

Ang daming tumatakbo sa isip ko, mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin, yung side ko na gusto kong iexplain, pero when I started to type, lahat nawawala na.. 1 or 2 sentences nalang yung nagagawa ko. Why is that -_-

Since, I’ll go far far away and I won’t be able to blog as much as I want to, e I’ll try my very best to dig in  my deepest thoughts about what’s happening in my life now..

So yeah, I’ll transfer to Ilocos..for now. Since tapos na yung work ko at sobrang nahihirapan na ako dito, hindi na ako masaya, I decided to just leave. Though I still want to go and find a job asap here.. I can’t. Due to finances problem and having a huge misunderstanding with my sister, iiwas nalang ako.

Money. All what’s left with my father is his personal savings. Sa bahay namin may tubig, kuryente, cable, ref, INTERNET ( na syang tulay paalis sa boring kong buhay & tv also) and other appliances that are consuming electricity, hindi na kayang ishoulder lahat ni papa.. My sister? I have no idea how she share with the bills.. and as for me? Nung my work ako, I also gave some money to papa but that’s not enough and I can’t regularly share din, kasi hindi pa ganun kalaki yung sinasahod ko at yeah, dahil malungkot ako mas gumagastos ako sa gala with friends pag weekends ( I know, I’m a fool, shame on me) but that’s my way to forget that my life is miserable. I can’t just stay at home after 5 days/nights of working nonstop, I can’t just watch tv or surf the internet, seeing newsfeeds on facebook about how happy my friends are with there life, I can’t do that on my 2 days weekend and then wait again for that fucking 5 days/nights to work again!! Understand me please T_T

Food. I buy my own food, and when I buy mine it also includes my father of course. I can’t eat food while knowing that he doesn’t have his meal yet. My sister? well, she has her own money, she’s older than me so I don’t bother about her.

And speaking about my sister, yea, we don’t talk. It’s been half a year already or 5 months? I don’t know how or if we can fix it again. I can’t remember why we turn to be like this, but as far as I know, I didn’t do anything to her.. except on not attending my duty in PNK anymore. I have my reason for that to, but i can’t tell it here.

My mother. She is not here, she left a year a go, she only visit us twice within that year.. and that’s the reason why I feel so incomplete.

I stop attending my duty in PNK right after the year end pasalamat and I know that it is the reason that I living my life so miserable, so sad and incomplete. Though I know that it is a very big mistake, na pwede ko naman isantabi yung pansarili kong dahilan, mas pinili ko pa rin ang tumigil, kaya din galit na galit sakin si ate, pampapanget ako ng performance ng dako, to think na alam ko na pinipilit nilang pagandahin yun. I’ve been so stubborn, selfish and close minded, inuna ko yung sarili ko.. sorry,pero hindi ko lang talaga kayang bumalik, I can’t face the innocent little kids and act as if I’m a good model to them, I cant teach them to be good, well mannered and to always have fear to God when in fact I know that myself is definitely the opposite of good.

“Ang ganda ng bago kong theme. hahahaha, at ang POGI ng mga post ko. Shet, ang POGI ng tumblr ko :pp”
<3 ___ <3

<3 ___ <3

Will limit blogging about my personal feelings, teehee ;) I’ll start writing again instead.. but but but.. I’ll still going to have some updates here also. haha, kala mo naman may mga followers e no, lol xD

Gustong gustong gustong gustong gusto ko talaga sya pag nakapoker face, oh bakiiiitttt T_T

Beat that! >:)

I fell in love with this Korean series My Love From The Star/You Who Came From The Star <3

I also had this weird feeling everytime I heard the OST of the series, hahaha, Goodbye, Hello by Hyorin, kaya yan ang bg music ko hahahaha <3


Dun sa character nya ako nainlove e, pati sa looks at style nya sa series.. pero di ko sya gusto in real life, masyado syang cute sa real life e. hahahaha. Tsk

Grabe, yung mga tipo ko talaga, mga lalaking seryoso na hindi mahilig/pumapansin sa babae, pero pag nainlove SOLID at stick to one, loyal and everything.. hayysssss <3

Dao Min Si
Gu joon Pyo
Kang Tae Joon
Do Min Joon

Oh, I love you all :******